Weeping may spend the night,
I feel unsettled. Nothing new in that--my anxious feelings have gone on for one reason or another for nearly a year now. I keep thinking it will end with other endings: when the book is done, when it cools off, when I've lost the first 10 pounds, after I get my hand fixed (carpal tunnel rears its ugly head), after the holidays. But the endings keep moving forward. Before I know it, not only will it be Monday but it will be the first one in 2018 and...will I still be unsettled?
Nan just said, during our morning conversation, that "outside forces do create inner turmoil," which is very true, but blaming those outside forces--many of which aren't going to change--doesn't help. Last week, my pastor suggesting praying for the slowing down of things that are overwhelming me. It's helping, but the anxiety persists.
However, yesterday we bought a screen for the French doors that lead into my office. Duane put them up, along with some of that mumbling I mentioned up there, so the "sounds of silence" that make up my morning are different this morning. The sun made its way through a pink and purple palette to shine big and bright, accompanied by birds and what I think are cicadas. I can hear vehicles on the road. Going to work. To school. The deer saunter through the yard--although this picture is from last week--and I can hear them. Morning dew brings out the scents of mown grass and grain ready to leave the fields.
Maybe, in my time of unrest, I hear the wrong things. There is always joy in my morning. I just need to remember to not only watch for it, but to listen to it and to smell the sweetness of it. Later, I'm sure my unease will return, but the joy from this morning will help smooth the way through the day.
Have a good week.