I made a goal to finish my current wip, Son of a (hired) gun, by May 1.
You know what's happened since then? I haven't written a word. My goal this week was to finish chapter 7 and begin chapter 8. And I've written nothing. I've opened up the file, stared at what I last wrote, and then checked my email.
Yesterday, on my day off, I went to a movie with my daughter. It's Complicated. Two big thumbs up from us. Today on my second day off, I went to lunch with friends I haven't seen in months, bought my daughter's birthday dinner, browsed Barnes and Noble, and didn't write.
I'm starting to wonder if making the goal and putting the pressure on myself has had the opposite effect that I wanted it to. Am I self-defeatest? I know I am the world's best procrastinator--hence the always late Thursday post. But, do I also not want success or am I afraid of the rejection. I can say now that the reason I'm not published or repped is because I don't have a marketable project. But if I finish this wip--which most of the people who've read parts of it, believe it will be marketable---what excuse do I have when I can't get repped?
Why is the dream of finished, marketable novel so elusive?
You know what's happened since then? I haven't written a word. My goal this week was to finish chapter 7 and begin chapter 8. And I've written nothing. I've opened up the file, stared at what I last wrote, and then checked my email.
Yesterday, on my day off, I went to a movie with my daughter. It's Complicated. Two big thumbs up from us. Today on my second day off, I went to lunch with friends I haven't seen in months, bought my daughter's birthday dinner, browsed Barnes and Noble, and didn't write.
I'm starting to wonder if making the goal and putting the pressure on myself has had the opposite effect that I wanted it to. Am I self-defeatest? I know I am the world's best procrastinator--hence the always late Thursday post. But, do I also not want success or am I afraid of the rejection. I can say now that the reason I'm not published or repped is because I don't have a marketable project. But if I finish this wip--which most of the people who've read parts of it, believe it will be marketable---what excuse do I have when I can't get repped?
Why is the dream of finished, marketable novel so elusive?
I feel ya Margie!! No great advice, other than that wonderful Nora line: You can't edit a blank page. So butt in chair, girl!
ReplyDeleteI, too, have this problem. Now. I used to work so well under pressure, but any more, it turns me off. I have to wonder if the problem is more about losing a story line? Or a block? Just wondering. And you're right, it's a great story!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if we reach a point where we want so badly for it to be right that rather than take a chance it's wrong, we can't write at all.
ReplyDeleteOh Kristi..lol...those are exactly the two phrases I use to get myself to write..!! I do terrible if i give myself a deadline, but if someone ELSE gives me a deadline, that's a whole different ball of wax....then I'll all over it!
ReplyDeleteon the other hand, margie lawson is giving an online class right now about that very thing...self defeating attitudes, and she's an awesome teacher..soemthing to look into!
carrie
Thanks you guys. You're the best, as always.
ReplyDeleteOn my old computer I had the quote "the secret to successful writing is keeping your ass in the chair." I still believe it even if I don't always practice it. Carrie, thanks for the heads up about the class. I did see an announcement on the justwriteit list, so I'll have to go try and find that again and look into it.