Tuesday, August 23

Breaking up is the Right Thing to do

My daughter and her boyfriend broke up a couple weeks ago.

They seemed so perfect together. So much in common. Both are serious, hard-working people. They both love family, horses, dogs. They were both 4-H members, went the same number of years to college. Neither makes a of money and they both live at home because of it. The both drive pickups and wear baseball caps.

They seemed perfect for each other.

But that may have been the problem. They're too much alike. There wasn't really any spark. At least not to the naked eye . They liked each other, maybe even loved each other, but the great passion we all write about was missing.

Can you love someone, marry someone, without passion? Of course.

But in the fiction we all write, it's vital. It's what makes our books what they are--romances. You don't have a book without conflict. It's the key that turns the lock. And conflict leads to passion. And for our books, passion turns to HEA.

For me, the keepers, the re-reads, are the ones where the author has brought those elements out in a unique way. And it's what I aspire to do.

Tell me what makes a romance for you...


  1. Great post, D'Ann! I love the spark that leads to conflict within characters. The why they can't be together makes me want them together even more!

  2. First, sorry to hear your daughter and her bf broke up.
    Sexually chemistry is a must, but not just any old sexual chemistry. For a romance novel, you need the explosive chemistry mixed with conflict, mixed with the characters wants and needs, mixed with what's stopping the characters from achieving what they greatly desire.
    LOL, come to think of it, writing a romance is a little like a chemistry experiment, and like a C. experiment, you don't always get it right the first time.

  3. Great post. I hope Brandi's doing okay with the breakup and finding spark.

  4. I love the confilct and minor struggles that drive the couple to grow and learn. It makes the HEA more enjoyable, to me any way. Great post!

  5. Sexual chemistry is important both in real life relationships and romance novels. Hope your daughter finds that necessary spark with someone else equally as nice.

    Jacqueline Seewald

  6. The romances I love the most are where they're normally polar opposites. That creates so much delicious conflict. Internal and external conflicts are all heightened because the H/h see things from different perspectives. But conversely, they learn how to use their different styles to bolster each other up, especially toward the end of the story.

  7. The romance has to be physical too. The first time I met my husband, I was immediately drawn in to his eyes. The man literally has bedroom eyes and kiss-me-quick lips. He says he couldn't stop staring at my legs with the fresh from the Caribbean tan.

    The physical is extremely important in romance, but that connection in knowing you've met THE ONE has to be there. I've written characters who couldn't get along in the beginning, but they always stumble over attraction and eventually realize each other's actions and motives are done for good reasons. So for me it feels like they need to eventually have the ability to reach a common goal. Even if they have to go through hell and back, in the end they still have to know in the back of their minds this will end in a solid relationship.

    Whether it works in real life that way, um, my husband and I are so different goal-wise that it's a miracle we ever see eye to eye. ;)

  8. Chemistry is a must, physical and sexual. I not only want to read it but I also want to be able to feel it. I want my skin to tingle or goose bumps to appear because the chemistry between the H/h is that strong.

  9. So sorry about your daughter's break-up. I haven't experienced that as a parent yet but I'm sure it's hard to see your child heart broken. Chemistry and conflict make the story and in fiction create a HEA - I am a firm believer that those two rarely make a HEA in real life. SOmeone told me once you are attracted to someone's looks, you fall in love with their personality and you marry their character. This is the key for HEA in real life and it's the same formula I try to incorporate into my H/h of each story.

  10. The spark - that falling but floating and terrifying but secure all at once feeling.

    Hugs to Brandi...but she will find her prince!

  11. Conflict spices things up, in real life just as much as fiction. My husband and I are so different. And because of those differences he makes me try things I never would have, and I keep him tethered to earth. It's a balance, although not always easy. But hell, that's what make up sex is for. And even after twenty years, that's still fun too. I hope your daughter finds the spice. Brenda L.

  12. Sorry to hear about the break up.

    As for romance, I agree, there has to be a spark, passion and conflict. I don't need the polar opposite kind of conflict, but there has to something that keeps these two people apart and that passion has to overcome.

    Great post, D'Ann...

  13. Loved this post, D'Ann. Sorry about your daughter and her boyfriend, but sometimes too much alike isn't right. In romance novels there's often a lot of conflict--either personality or external--but in real life I'm not sure this works either.

    Passion certainly needs to be there, but not just passion for each other. I started falling in love with my husband when I watched him playing the piano. There was so much passion in his movements as he played, I just knew he was a really passionate guy. (I was right!) And we're absolute opposites, which works sometimes and others, not so much. :)

  14. Brandi has herself together and even though we worry as parents she'll find the right road. Romances are unique because they must have the spark between the hero and heroine. Its what makes them worth reading. It keeps us going back to the ones who are always with us.

  15. I'm sorry about the break-up. I remember how much that hurts. Thank God for our dogs, they're always there for us.

    What makes a romance? Making the impossible, possible.

  16. I like sexual tension, but for me, what makes a good romance is all about what makes the characters click. For instance, a lawyer can't fall in love with a client without a reason. Why are they hot for each other? What makes him different from her other clients? Why this particular person? I want passion in and out of the bedroom.

  17. Thank you everyone, for coming by Wordwranglers today!

    Brandi is fine...moving on with her life.

    Thanks for the well wishes. I appreciate it.

  18. Good post. Don't have much to add to the wealth of comments.

  19. Sorry to hear about the break-up, but good for her seeing it wasn't working-before they furthered the relationship.
    What I love in a romance is the sexual attraction that makes my palms sweat and knees clench.I adore sexy flirting and witty comebacks.
    Great post,D'Ann.