If you really want something you can figure out how to make it happen. ~~ Cher
I always knew I secretly loved Cher. Until I went looking for a quote for today's blog, I never really thought much about who she is inside and I think this quote kind of defines her. Why? Because Cher has a singular paranoia that would probably cripple her if she let it: she grew up thinking only blondes with blue eyes were beautiful. She, of course, is not blonde or blue eyed, and so she felt ugly. And yet we all know her as a beautiful woman, kinda crazy yes, but beautiful. I have no idea how she overcame her paranoia but I think it's the fact that she recognizes this 'fear' not as a fear but as a paranoia. Paranoia's can be dealt with. Fears paralyze.
Five years ago, RadioMan and I started our journey of adoption and had a 2-day-old baby placed with us from the Foster care system.
For me, the foster-to-adoption hoops became my paralyzing fear. Not for myself but for our kiddo, I was petrified of what might happen to her if she was taken back...what if the birth parent refused to work with her? what if, like so many drug babies, the parent couldn't cope and shook her? what if, what if, what if.....
She was nearly taken from us and placed back in the home environment 3 different times; if any of those re-replacements would have happened I have no doubt in my mind that she would not be the happy, intelligent, funny 5 year old she is today. Why? She was a drug baby (over half of drug babies become shaken babies because the caregivers don't know how to cope with their issues), her birth-mother was still using and she was born more than a month premature (again with the issues). We worked and worked and worked with the kiddo just to teach her how to roll over -- that happened at 6 months. She didn't crawl until 11 months, didn't walk until 18 months. Now, at 5 years old she walks, climbs, runs, has a huge vocabulary and just started gymnastics and swimming lessons. No, we're not saints. We're her parents.
For both of us, working with her to meet those growth milestones kept us from letting that fear of losing her control our lives. And from that, the fear turned into paranoia. Paranoia can be dealt with. All of us have paranoia's in our lives - paranoia that we won't sell a book, that we won't get that promotion, start that business...whatever. Paranoias can be dealt with, we only need a plan.
First: you have to confront the fear. Make a list, write it down, look in the mirror and read your fear list. Don't worry about looking odd. Just do it. Now take that list, put it in a metal trash bin and burn it. Let the wind take those ashes and scatter them around.
Now, you've confronted your paranoia/fear...what are you going to do to make your hopes and dreams come true?