Wednesday, June 26

What Will You Do?

If you really want something you can figure out how to make it happen. ~~ Cher

I always knew I secretly loved Cher. Until I went looking for a quote for today's blog, I never really thought much about who she is inside and I think this quote kind of defines her. Why? Because Cher has a singular paranoia that would probably cripple her if she let it: she grew up thinking only blondes with blue eyes were beautiful. She, of course, is not blonde or blue eyed, and so she felt ugly. And yet we all know her as a beautiful woman, kinda crazy yes, but beautiful. I have no idea how she overcame her paranoia but I think it's the fact that she recognizes this 'fear' not as a fear but as a paranoia. Paranoia's can be dealt with. Fears paralyze.

Five years ago, RadioMan and I started our journey of adoption and had a 2-day-old baby placed with us from the Foster care system.

For me, the foster-to-adoption hoops became my paralyzing fear. Not for myself but for our kiddo, I was petrified of what might happen to her if she was taken back...what if the birth parent refused to work with her? what if, like so many drug babies, the parent couldn't cope and shook her? what if, what if, what if.....

She was nearly taken from us and placed back in the home environment 3 different times; if any of those re-replacements would have happened I have no doubt in my mind that she would not be the happy, intelligent, funny 5 year old she is today. Why? She was a drug baby (over half of drug babies become shaken babies because the caregivers don't know how to cope with their issues), her birth-mother was still using and she was born more than a month premature (again with the issues). We worked and worked and worked with the kiddo just to teach her how to roll over -- that happened at 6 months. She didn't crawl until 11 months, didn't walk until 18 months. Now, at 5 years old she walks, climbs, runs, has a huge vocabulary and just started gymnastics and swimming lessons. No, we're not saints. We're her parents.

For both of us, working with her to meet those growth milestones kept us from letting that fear of losing her control our lives. And from that, the fear turned into paranoia. Paranoia can be dealt with. All of us have paranoia's in our lives - paranoia that we won't sell a book, that we won't get that promotion, start that business...whatever. Paranoias can be dealt with, we only need a plan.

First: you have to confront the fear. Make a list, write it down, look in the mirror and read your fear list. Don't worry about looking odd. Just do it. Now take that list, put it in a metal trash bin and burn it. Let the wind take those ashes and scatter them around.

Now, you've confronted your paranoia/fear...what are you going to do to make your hopes and dreams come true?

13 comments:

  1. What a wonderful story, Kristi. Bebe is a lucky little girl to have parents like you.

    Phobias? Paranoias? Whatever you want to call it, I've got 'em. Maybe I'll share another time :)

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  2. thanks for visiting, Margery! And share any old time, k?

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  3. I love your story of adoption Kristi! You and your hubs are special people and bebe is so darn cute and every pic of her is a happy one.

    As for fears or paranoia....I have a fear of heights. But there are times I just tell myself I'm going to do something that is in my range of fear to enjoy a day. I've gone in a glider...okay, I admit I had my eyes closed at certain points so I could concentrate on breathing and talking myself down...lol...but I did it. There's been a few other things too. I admit to failure at times but I just keep trying.

    Oh, and Cher ROCKS!

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  4. that's awesome, Christine - way to face your fears! I always think I'm *not* afraid of heights..until, you know, I'm 100 feet or more off the ground. lol

    You're right - the important thing is to keep trying and keep pushing yourself. Good luck!

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  5. Kristina, you made me cry! I'm so happy your daughter has you and your hubby and that you have her! This touches me deeply because we have someone in our life like that. She was a teen when she came to us, but she changed our lives, and vice versa. She's on her way to college this fall. The girl she was when we met her and the girl she is now...worth every second. I would do it a million times for every child out there if I could. It is scary, but so worth it :)

    My phobias: heights and small spaces *shudder*

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  6. What a great post. I'm all cold chills, and so happy for all of you.

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  7. Great post! That is one lucky little girl to have found you guys!
    I'm afraid of a lot of things, and like Margery, I'll hold them back for today!

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  8. I love your bebe stories. I too have some paralyzing fears, but I've never spoken them out loud. Maybe someday I will.

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  9. It is, Jennifer! I had NO IDEA how much she would change our lives...and I wouldn't change back for anything! PS: totally get ya on the small spaces...just bleh!

    Thanks, Liz!

    D'Ann and Shawn, we'll draw you onto the Fear Couch to expel them sooner or later!

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  10. What a beautiful story, Kristi! I admire foster parents so much. Your little family is so cute!

    I have a fear of heights. I can do some things and deal with it (like flying and riding select roller coasters) and there are some things I simply can't and won't do.

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  11. I remember those early days, Kristi and your fear and I for one am so happy it all worked out for the three of you! I remember the day you announced the adoption was final. I think I cried. Hugs to you all.

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  12. thanks, Sharon! We are very blessed! And knowing your limits is a good start to conquering that fear...

    Thanks, Calisa! You were a rock during those days - I really appreciate you!!

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  13. This is a really sweet post, Kristina. Thank you for sharing this little glimpse of your journey and the encouragement not to let fear paralyze. Love the advice to look at it as a paranoia. That's valuable.

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