The Year in Hindsight

by Ava Cuvay

Nothing like the end of the year to don our 20/20 goggles and look back. I think the exercise helps

us put a little perspective on events that might have been overly emotional at the time…a sort of making molehills out of mountains concept. The retrospect also helps us see how we’ve (hopefully) grown and evolved as individuals.

If memory serves, I began 2017 cursing and shaking my fist at it. Death and cancer had taken hold of loved ones, and my life was rather turned upside down those first few months. I was busy dealing with the legal aftermath as well as the emotional turmoil. Fortunately, the cancer is gone. And the deceased one has been laid to rest, along with her estate.

Mid-Spring, I was downsized from my employer of 18 years. On one hand, I was devastated that the employer to whom I’d been so loyal and supportive had decided I was not worth keeping. On the other hand, I was excited at the prospect of having a summer free to write my heart away (and surely publish a dozen or so books as a result). At the end of the year, I’m still struggling with a fruitless job search, I didn’t publish one single book (much less a dozen), and I’m substitute teaching which swings the gamut of job satisfaction for me. My career frustration is double-edged. I haven’t found my new job niche, and that eats away at the self-esteem. And writing is not yet a viable option for a career, which also eats away at the self-esteem. I try to remind myself that these things take time and God has a plan for me… but at present, I’m not where I feel I’m meant to be and that’s a big source of discontent.

I wrote “The End” on book number three. Finally. And I’m working through the first round of my personal edits so I can send to critique partners. But it’s still a lonoog way from being ready to publish. So, other than the mermaid short story in The Lake House Anthology which was published this year (a charitable effort to raise funds for literacy), I won’t have anything new to promote until next year… two years after my last book. Fortunately, I have the daily blogs from my Word Wrangler pals that I can comment on… those are the only times this year I’ve been able to hit the “publish” button! Lol!

But, as I look at our lovely Christmas tree, and at all the gifts underneath which have been pushed away because the kitties have claimed the tree skirt as their personal playground, and I see the excitement of my kiddoes when they see the growing pile of gifts and count down the days until they get to open them… the frustration and unhappiness and missing sense of accomplishment because background noise that I can easily drown out. In reality, it was a good year. The bad wasn’t as bad as it could have been, the good was probably better than I gave it credit for being, and I’m blessed to be able to turn my calendar over and give it another go at it in 2018. Plus, one of the kiddos I subbed for learned I was an author and asked if they could study me for their Famous Hoosier project. I declined, but couldn't deny the boost to my ego! ;-)

So, Happy Holidays to everyone. Blessings to all, positive thoughts into the ether for each of you, and I’ll see you in the New Year!