Friday, April 26

I have a confession

Image result for procrastinationby Margie Senechal

Every few weeks, I sit down to write this blog. In doing so, I stop and take a look at how productive I've been the past couple of weeks or so. Especially with my writing. It's the one time of the month that I take stock and try to figure out where I am in this writing game.

Lately I haven't been too productive and that's stating it on the mild side.

So, while I thought about what to say in this blog, I started an internal self-monitor. Why haven't I written? 

I could come up a myriad of excuses, but that's all they'd be is excuses. 

The truth--I've realized---is that I am a Self-Saboteur.  

Current puzzle of the month
Instead of writing, I've been spending my spare time with another obsession. The jigsaw puzzle.

I love jigsaws. I love watching them come together and the feeling of completion. I love the colors and that I can work on one while listening to the television, but not specifically watching it.

I've also been reading compulsively. I just added them up and I'm on my 20th book for the year. Not that it's a bad thing, but for me, it's an avoidance of producing my own book.

That's a lot of self-reflection for one morning shower.



I Googled self-saboteur and found out that I do engage in some of the behaviors. And it's not just in my writing life, but also in my real life. For example, I know we are paying too much for car insurance--I've known that for a few years now. But, have I done anything to change it? Uhm--no. 


I know I need to get Jordan an official Spectrum diagnosis and job training, but have I made an appointment or researched the steps I need to take? Again, no. Even though it will improve both of our lives. (all of our lives? I'm sure Mike and KB might benefit as well)



Image result for pile of amazon boxes
All of these things fall into a pile of procrastination that's almost as high as the pile of Amazon boxes in my garage that nobody has broken down since before Christmas.


As for writing--I've gotten to the murky middle in both of my WIPS, and I have stalled. And apparently, instead of pushing through the mire, I've been avoiding it. 

Plus, with Bix, I have figured that again, his life is just too easy. For some reason, I hesitate to make my boy suffer. I'd thought that I'd just finish this draft and then go back and make the changes in the rewrite, but they are monumental changes I'm talking. For example, he shouldn't make friends on his very first day in Cypher. He needs to be an outcast for a while and those changes affect everything that comes after, so....do I really want to start version 10???

Who am I kidding? I will start #10 eventually. I want to get this right.  

Because if I don't, I'll fall into the same old bad Margie habits that I'm talking about stopping. While I've written over eight books, I've only rewritten or revised two of the manuscripts. Bix, being one of them. After the others met with rejection, I just filed them away. Even if sometimes I felt like they had promise. Self saboteur. 

This is where I leave you..with hopes that like other addictions, that realizing your destructive behavior is the first step...the second step is acknowledging it...

Now, to figure out the third step....




5 comments:

  1. Because I share some of these tendencies, I've decided I'm going to embark on becoming a list-maker. My super-efficient friend Debby makes a list every day, and you know what? She accomplishes things! Always a good post, Margie.

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    1. I think I'm going to recommit to the list. I know I always do better when I have things to cross off--it goes with the joy of a visual accomplishment. Thanks for the reminder!

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  2. I can understand procrastination. I was afflicted really badly when I was younger and it resulted in me losing out on some opportunities. Sometimes I procrastinated out of sheer laziness, but often it was because something was hard to do, or hard to face, and I was scared. But I found the consequences of procrastinating were often worse.

    I'm better at getting things done now. I find it helps to break big overwhelming tasks into small, more manageable bits. One little step at a time helps me move forward. That, and as Liz said, keeping all kinds of lists!

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    1. I know that a lot of my procrastination stems from my avoidance issues. I like your idea of breaking things down into smaller steps. Like cleaning out the closet, one shelf at a time.

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