Today, a friend posted on Facebook posted a list of things she’d
accomplished this morning—a long list that included taking care of a family
member, catching up on the phone with her brother, making cookies, walking her
dog, doing laundry, and several other tasks. The post ended with “It’s 1:30,
and I feel like a slug. Like I never, never fill my time with enough meaningful
activity. I’m consistently discontent. WHY?”
I asked her permission to quote her and speak to her words
because she has described exactly how I’m feeling right now. This whole quarantine
has left me in a weird place. I keep saying, “Oh, this is no news to me, I’ve
been living shelter-in-place since 1996, when I started freelancing. So this
whole thing will be a piece o’ cake for me.”
Not so much, I guess, because in spite of accomplishing just
as much as I do when I’m not in enforced quarantine, writing my novels, working
editing gigs, writing blogs, etc., it feels like I’m a slug. Even though I’m
walking every day—at least two miles. Even though I’m doing laundry, vacuuming,
cleaning bathrooms and the kitchen. Even though I’m weeding and washing windows
and helping Husband in the yard. Even though I’m still settling into the new
house, putting books away, working on garage storage… even though.
So what is this feeling of unproductivity that seems to be
pervasive? One of the commenters on my friend’s post may have hit upon some of
the reason when she said that she thought it might be because we aren’t
interacting with other people while we’re accomplishing all that we’re
accomplishing. That may be it. I’m not going to lunch every couple of months
with my editorial freelancer colleagues. I’m not meeting Liz once a month(more frequently in the summer) for a
writing day. I’m not going to church to enjoy fellowship or even seeing my kids
in person. I’m not having beer-30 up at the lake or swimming with Moe or going
out on the boat or admiring Husband and Son’s fishing catches. In spite of doing exactly what I
do when we aren’t in a shelter-in-place order, life feels too different.
I’m going to find some ways to deal with this feeling of “consistently
discontent,” starting right now. I’m going to be proud of myself for finishing
chapter 2 in the new novel, for getting stuff together for promo
of the new FIBW book releasing July 16, for getting a good thirty pages of my
current editing gig done. I’m also going to stop dropping in front of Netflix or
Amazon Prime every night. Tonight, I’m going to read. I have the complete set
of Rosamund du Jardin’s malt shop books from the 1950s. Maybe I’ll pull one out
and float back to my childhood for a little while. Remember Tobey Heydon and
Pam and Penny Howard?
How about you? Anybody have any suggestions of ways to deal with that feeling of discontent? We should probably figure it out--I think we're here for a while.
Very sell said, by you and your friend both. Although I've had my moments--with more to come, I'm sure--I've mostly escaped the discontent. As I've said when we talked, living in the country helps with that. Helps me, anyway, because that's where so much of my contentment comes from. Writing sprints have helped a lot, too!!! Keep smiling, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lizzie. <3
DeleteI think your friend has a point - for those of us who (primarily) work from home, it's more of the same. Except, it's not. Like you, I haven't been able to get together with my writer friends, I haven't been able to write at the library (one of my favorite things) or enjoy "notebook time" (in which I take myself and a notebook *somewhere* and write as I watch the world go by). Staying up to date with the situations also means taking in a lot of the craziness thats going on - like protestors who want to go get their hair done - and that amps up the stress level. I don't have any great answers, but like Liz, sprinting with you guys has been a good thing for me. I chat (through a voicemail type app called Voxer) with a writing buddy. I've added a lot more Just Dancing to our daily mix and between the music and the movement, that helps my mood...hang in there, Nan! We will persevere!
ReplyDeleteAll good things, Kristi! Thank you!
DeleteI too have that discontent feeling, even though things haven't really changed much for me--with the exception of no commute and no access to a gym.
ReplyDeleteI think part of the discontent is tied to anxiety about what is going on now and what is going to happen next. Being home because I "have to" rather than "choose to" has an impact too.
I don't have any magic answers, but I have found that having a schedule, setting reasonable daily goals, taking time to acknowledge (celebrate) accomplishments, finding ways to connect with others (in a socially-distant way, of course), and making sure to build in time for self-care can all help me feel like I'm making forward progress.
It can also help to turn thoughts/actions outward and find small ways to help others and take time to remember how staying home and socially distancing is helping others who may not be in a position to do so.
All great ideas, Elizabeth. Thank you! And thank you for stopping by!
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ReplyDeleteGreat blog, Nan. You've struck a chord with me and millions of others, I bet. I think we just have to go with this flow of feeling discontent. No matter what I do, it doesn't feel like it's enough, and, in all honesty, I'm not doing as much as I normally do. A highlight of my day is an hour nap. That's not the norm under normal circumstances. But, this lack of interacting with our loved ones, and strangers, too, keeps us from feeling ignited, inspired and energized. So, maybe we just have to allow ourselves to feel like slugs, eat like pigs, and nap without guilt. Remember, this, too, shall pass. We're living through quite a time, but we'll make it through together...even when we aren't.
DeleteYes, this shall pass and I do believe all will be well. It helps to know that I'm not the odd one out with this feeling of discontent. Thanks, Janie!
ReplyDeleteBetween work, the news, work, the news, the news...I've been in some sort of melancholy myself. I haven't been able to read or write. But, last week I was finally able to sit and read and focus on a book. And then another, and another...and yesterday, I got words down on Bix. I'm hopeful that the damn has finally broken.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for your reading choices, I might just join you and pull out my Marcy books ;)