That Ahhhh Feeling

You know the one? That release of tension. The deep breath breath in and then the long, slow breath out. That it's-okay-you've-got-this feeling. You know it, right?

I'm in that space right now...sorta. At the beginning of the month, I finished Jenny Weaver's story and turned it in to my editor, who is just the best ever. That story was hard, a huge surprise because I'd truly expected Jenny's story to be easiest of the three sisters to write. Jenny has a simple life and she's fine with that, mostly. So I imagined that her story--letting go of her faithless husband, coming home to the safety of her home town and her sisters to raise her son and work in the family business, and finding love with an old high school friend would be an easy story to tell.

Well, not so much really because so many of life's challenges came into play when I wasn't expecting them. Her ex comes back to town while her sister is moving away, her son is struggling with his dad's expectations, old longings come flooding back and Jenny wants more. I didn't expect her to want more...but she did. 

Okay, now I'm sure that you're thinking...um, Nan, you're the writer here. Jenny's story can be whatever you want it to be. You'd think so, wouldn't you? But--and almost any writer will tell you this--that's not what happens. As a story unfolds, the characters take over and you, as writer, are just along for the ride. I always think I'm going to control what happens, but inevitably, and often painfully, the heroine and the hero take over. 

Sometimes, I'm three-quarters of the way into my page count before I let go and allow that to happen, which makes the writing so much harder. When my own life gets complicated and full of drama, that holds me back and I struggle. But sometimes, the best times, my own life drama is what drives the storytelling, and even if what's happening in the story has nothing whatsoever to do with anything that's going on in my life, the emotion comes through. I can let the characters tell their story. 

And when I finally write THE END, read through it one more time just for flow, and then turn it in to my editor, you'd think that would be the ahhhh moment. It isn't. The ahhhh comes when she sends it back with a note that begins, "You did a beautiful job..." and ends with "I know you said this book was a struggle, but it is so subtly beautiful and deft. Your skills continue to evolve and build, Nan. I'm so proud of you and impressed." 

Ahhhh... and even a moment or two of weepy joy.

Oh, there were suggestions and there are revisions to be made and I have work to do on Jenny's story, but I can breathe, do the revisions, and relax a little knowing that I can tell a story. That's the takeaway from times like this. I am a good writer. I can tell a story. and that's my life's dream, that's the magic. To be able to tell a good story. 

Stay well, mes amies,