Thursday, May 15

Obsessive Distraction

Have you ever had a confrontation that you obsess about later? Why didn’t I say this? Why didn’t I do that? Why did I let that comment slide? Why did I get defensive about that?

For the last two—going on three, if you consider what I woke up thinking about—days, I’ve had a situation at work with another assistant manager. It finally came to the point where I had to speak to the store manager. In all the years I’ve been a manager—eight—I’ve never had to go to a store manager about a problem like this. A problem I termed as “repressed hostile indifference”.

It’s hard for me to not be liked. I admit it. I want people to like me. I will go to great lengths to make you like me. Usually I don’t have to resort to such extremes, I’m pretty likeable as is. But this time, I don’t know. It’s like he didn’t want to like me from the get-go and nothing I did was going to change that perception. But once I knew this manager was dissing me, I had to speak up.

And apparently he'd already spoken to the SM and listed complaints. And a couple I will willingly take on. Yes, I do move slower than him. I am twice his age, have arthritic knees, and I am a foot shorter--these stubby little legs don't move as quick as they used to. Sue me. 

But, the complaint I took issue with was this other manager thought I wasted my time writing nightly notes. See, when I close, I usually leave a note for the opening manager so they know what was done and what needs to be done. I also inform them if there were any issues—a customer complaint, an OD in the bathroom, that kind of thing. And usually I add my trademark wit and wisdom in there to elicit a smile—because shouldn’t we all begin our days with a smile?

I started writing these notes because I hate coming in and not knowing what needs to be done right off—especially if I’ve had a couple days off. I totally manage by the Golden Rule principle—manage as I’d like to be managed.

And wasted my time? Because these notes take like five minutes—if that—to whip up. Of course, maybe for him it would take thirty minutes to do a page, but for me, it’s like running a brush through my hair. It’s routine and natural. And honestly, if I haven’t gotten to write that day, it’s probably one of my favorite chores to do.

He should be saving my notes, they may be worth money one day. LOL

So, today I’m hoping to tear a page out of Elsa’s songbook and, “Let It Go.”


  1. Hugs on this. I hope it works out all right. I know how you feel about wanting to be liked--I'm the same way. I always wonder what's wrong with me and what I could have done differently. The answer--for both of us--is probably "nothing." You're wise to "let it go." His loss!

  2. Hugs. What a jerk! At Target, the night mgr always left the morning ppl a note. Every single night. He's jealous of you. I had a horrible day the other day when I stopped in Target and was chatting with some of my old friends...the team lead told me not to waste their time. I've been fuming since. I hate confrontations, they make me physically ill...

  3. There are some people who live to be disagreeable. He seems like one of them. I feel kinda sorry for people like him. Imagine what good he could do if he didn't spend so much time working hard to he an asshole.

  4. I love you guys and your support :) I so want to hug you all right now.

    Like I said, the worst thing he said was the note thing. Insulting my writing--even in note form--is like insulting my children. LOL

  5. Like you, I'm one of those people who hates not being liked. I'll admit, it's worn off a bit as I've gotten older. Yet that people-pleasing part of me is always right there below the surface. So I get your frustration. However, some people just aren't worth it. I had to learn that letting those people into my head and heart amounts to giving them a place there that they haven't earned and don't deserve.

  6. Let it go is a great plan, but sometimes hard to implement. I sympathize with you and am sending happy vibes.