Meaning: I screwed up.
First week, I neglected to hit “publish”… and was well on my way to Florida and unable to rectify. Oops. The next week, when I hit “publish” it still didn’t show. My Wranglers pals couldn’t even find it. Uhhh, that’s because I selected the wrong date and it published two weeks prior. Ugh. So I trashed the post (it was filled with wisdom, sage advice, and a cure for cancer…. Not!).
Oddly enough, the ordeal was pretty indicative of my life recently. Thinking I’m in good shape, got the world by the tail… Prepared and confident. Only to learn that my world is actually completely off-kilter. And it’s an unpleasant ride.
My job search is yielding very few responses, and most of those are declines. I didn’t think it would bother me, but my frustration is akin to my post-graduation job search when I had no meaningful work experience. Silly me for thinking it would be easier this time around. It’s a gut-punch to the ole self-confidence.
In the meantime, I’m substitute teaching in my school system. I have kiddos of my own, so it should be fairly intuitive, right? Wrong. My training included several videos and hand-outs about bullying, suicide prevention, blood-born pathogens, etc. My training did NOT cover where to find attendance sheets, where the bathrooms are, which teachers allow students to use electronic devices, and how to maintain your enthusiasm when you realize you’re essentially babysitting because the state mandates a certain number of adults per student ration. And it makes for a loooooong day. I’ve never felt so extraneous, and it’s not helping my self-esteem.
And I’m still not finished with my book. Getting closer, but not finished. Even if I were finished, I doubt there would be a sense of satisfaction because I already know it needs a boat-load of work before I can even send it to a Beta reader or critique partner. It’s that bad. Which is another blow to the ole ego.
The weather took a dive from mild-autumn to all-out-pre-winter. It’s cold. It’s cloudy. It’s blustery. It’s bleak. It’s blah.
It matches my mood and my confidence level.
Fortunately, it is all cyclical in nature, and the weather will eventually warm up when Spring arrives. Hopefully my self-confidence will bounce back even more quickly and I’ll have some good news to report on.
In the meantime, I just grumble to my hubby, and (apparently) to you, and have faith that the pendulum will swing back around. Until then, the good news is it’s Friday, and I hope everyone has some awesome plans!